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A Tale of Sadness & Love

TransA morning when I was myself struggling through some of issues in my life. I chose to put it aside for some while and go out to have a chill with my friends. Even when the time was pre-planned, I got out from home early so that I could spend some time with myself. I was commuting via Delhi Metro.

I wasn’t in my Best moods so, I got ready as if it were the best day of my life. I put on my Eyeliner, Mascara, Lipstick, wore a nice Colourful dress to look very jolly, which somehow made me feel better. It sometimes works, it’s just like when you are sad, you force yourself to smile ’til it eventually makes you feel better. ‘Fake until you make it’.

It was Ladies’ Compartment. After a few stations, I realised someone along my side was talking to someone sitting just in front of me. So I could see her expressions which I didn’t find much agreeable. So I paused the track I was listening to, to get the idea of what was happening.

I realised there was a Neuter sitting beside my seat, she was asking for the Route to the other Girl. However, The Girl didn’t know the Route to INA Market. Actually, the girl was maybe a little scared too, that’s how I felt through her expressions. Also, the funny part was she was complimenting her in weird ways. She said- “You look pretty, you better go into films, leave your studies, and When you’ll come into movies, I will be proud to see you and call myself a sister of a Movie Actor”.

shutterstock_168955373-605x400All this was quite funny because of the tone of her voice and manner in which she was speaking but also quite scary because we all have been taught by our parents, societies to be at a little distance from Neuters. The reasons that they give us are one too many like they would say- They are not good people! Or they might say- They have a very different community than ours and the best bet is to stay far from them. Obviously the Kids of our age need reasoning and logic. When the parents aren’t able to feed us logic, they frighten us by telling weird stories. They tell us that the Neuter Community abducts teenagers and injects them with hormones to turn them into a neuter as well. Or they tell us how cruel, shameless they are, they can do anything for money and if not given, they insult people in the worst possible way.

All these little stories have created a bad reputation of this less-respected Community. These sharp words have subconsciously created an outlook amongst us all. The Hijras are not respected by any. It is only at the time of a birth of a baby that they are welcomed in houses to give blessings to the new born and gifted with lots of money and jewellery. The sole time when they’re welcomed.

Coming back to the incident, she also started to stare me, and saying all those things to me too about trying for Movies. To which I lightly replied- “I am not that good-looking to qualify as an actress and also I would, but my parents want me to study.” She was exceedingly extrovert. She was indulging in small talks with everyone in the compartment. The Girls, Ladies, she started to joke with everybody. She complimented everybody in the coach, speaking in a very funny manner and comical accent. She even persuaded a girl to call her husband to talk to him on phone. Can you believe that? She talked to her husband and said— “Why don’t you marry me and I Love you etcetera”. I found it extremely comical.  After talking to her husband she blessed them. In India, the blessings of Hijras are considered very significant. She didn’t ask her for money, but the lady gave her a hundred which somehow made an obligation for others to pay her too. They all started giving her some money. I really couldn’t understand why despite denying so much, she started to accept money then. This one thing kept me confused for days and I couldn’t make a heads or tails about it honestly. Anyway, the route thing I knew about.

I knew the route so I explained her the metro route. But she couldn’t understand so I thought that I should help her as I had some extra time to be at the meet-up. I took her along with me to the upper floor, where from we had to board the train. We were talking all this time, I asked her about her life, she told me her childhood story how her mother didn’t want to give her up despite her being the other gender. She said, with sadness within her, “There’s nobody like a Mother. A Mother never wants to lose her child despite all the flaws that the child may have. She’ll accept her even after knowing the hardships that they’ll have to face. She said the Societies create more problem than family does.” I was completely in her agreement. There was a sense of dissatisfaction in her that I noticed. But she was still encouraging me to study and told me to never let anybody discourage and dominate me. Yes, these were her words, after not being able to study, because of the differences. She is encouraging me to study. Also she was telling me about the Dharma-Maa that she had. The Dharma-Maa is one who nurtures you like a Mother but she’s not your biological Mother. Hers was the head of the Hijra Community of their region. She told me how she used to let her study when it wasn’t allowed by their community to touch books. Every day she would study in a park and then bury the books under the bulky tree. This hustle was continued for a couple of years. But she was sad as she couldn’t continue her education after 8th standard. She wanted to but after that, even her Maa couldn’t support her Education. Do you feel how depressing it must be for this community to quit education?

She told me how she misses her family & her home in which she was born. She said she’s very unlucky to have been born like that otherwise she could spend her life with her family with complete right and dignity. She told me that not a day passes without her yearning for her family. She misses them endlessly. I could just feel her, I tried to console her a bit. I really hope that nobody suffers from this pain yet want that everybody feels this pain, only then, we can all be empathic with the less-fortunate.

She kept on telling me how she envies us all because we have a family to live with. People have a spouse and children. She was sad that she can never get all this. We get to hang-out with our friends and family. We get to go out anywhere with complete liberty without being eyed but if Hijras are roaming around, they are being eyed and judged.

What next? We talked some more about Love. She complimented me and said – “you’re very pretty, you must have an ardent lover.” I said no promptly. Because of the conflicts in my love life, I wanted to evade this subject called LOVE. I did have a boyfriend but we had been going through some tough times and we were not able to get along lately so I decided to continue only as friends. Obviously I didn’t explain my complicated love to her. I simply said— “I do have someone who loves me but I don’t love him”. It must be mere coincidence that she cut me and said— “No, you’re lying, you love him”. I was amazed because the truth I was hiding, she understood or maybe it was a mere chance she said so. I told her about how self-sufficient I was and I needed nobody to be with me. She was almost in tears when I said that.

She expressed her desire of true love in her life, her wants to be with someone who would accept her in the way Lord has created her and love her. She needed someone to listen to her problems, to talk about absolutely nothing, to care for her choices, someone who would be there for her, someone who would love to kiss her, someone who would fight for her, who would respect her, someone she would love to care about. I was nodding with her words & said—“Just the feeling that someone is there for you is the best feeling in the world.” We both could relate. Listening to this, we both had our eyes wet. She simply asked me to love him back if the relationship is worth it as Love is a very beautiful feeling. I nodded.

She was so distressed. Her only wish was to be one amongst us, only if she were born as a man or a woman. She wishes that could happen. “I’m not happy with this life of begging. Where we are not involved in any societal meets, not respected. I wish I could also study like a normal person to change the way how our community is treated,” she said. I encouraged her that she can still do it.

I was thinking of ways to console her but knowing the hardships that she has to face every day, the struggle, it was difficult for me to find words. I still tried by saying— “Don’t worry, whatever happens, happens for good, you just believe in God.” She was a bit relaxed now. The magic wasn’t in me or my words, I didn’t do much to calm her; the true magic was in just Listening. I’m glad that I just could listen to her and if not solve her problems, just lessen her mental burden.

Finally, her destination arrived, I dropped her, and we said our byes. She went, but her thoughts lingered on. I was constantly thinking about her, her struggles. I was wondering how the world can embrace them. What things should change etcetera. Total Utopianism, attainable or not. I prayed for her and the community. I also started to think about reconciling with my beloved. I was thinking on how I should make up for the things gone wrong in our relationship, how I should fill the gaps. Well, I started my efforts, it took me a while. It was hard at first, but things turned smooth as this was what we both wanted. We settled all the differences one by one and eventually our relationship turned stronger than ever. May be the problems were important to strengthen our relationship. And the realization of its importance was equally necessary.

And about her, I’m worried. Because of her being too talkative and extrovert, I felt traces of depression in her. I would be happier if my observation turns out wrong. I hope she’s well. We all should do our bit to make them feel home whenever we see them. Just a mild smile would do, I really request people to not look this community with an evil eye. They’re just as humans as we are. They’re God’s creation as we are, only a bit different.

P.S. Next time you see one of them, Do them a Favor— JUST SMILE  (^_^)

 

 

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What if those Brazen Women were never born on this Earth?

What if the Brazen Women werent bornAnd what if those Brazen women were not born on this earth? How would I smile and how would I write? How would you study and how would you live a life?

Despite the few biological weaknesses, they are the gender, whom god chose to give birth to his children, the gender—the gentle and worthy of giving life. It was the sex as equal, as important as Adam’s when lord made it. But with the rising people, equilibrium began to pathetically become a disaster.

The world was a better place to live in when the biological differences in the bodies of both the gender didn’t create any mental friction between them. But gradually negativity spurned!

The truth is that women was never the weaker sex. It was made to believe that it was the one. It was made to believe that it was the weaker sex by some brokers of the male gender, the negatives, the dominants.

Not every male thought this way but a bad idea and a rumour is always initiated by few and then spreads faster than a fire in the bush and is readily absorbed by all.

Earlier there was no problem, women were as equal as men in anything. Respect, work, money, status but with the advent of the dominates, things were changing for worse.

The gentle gender was snatched off their respect, credit, love, wages. I don’t know if they rebelled or not, but then on, gradually, situation got worse for women each day.

Earlier the privilege to be born as a women was envied by men, the gender was awaited to be born in the families and considered as a symbol of the Goddess. But then on, it became a sin to give birth to a girl, Female infanticide began.

 

Then later, female infanticide stooped due to the medical advances which bought even worse, female foeticides.

The girl who are as pure as a goddess is considered a debt and a burden and the girls who in ancient times were given liberty to choose men at their will from the group of the best bachelors called ‘swayamvara’ (Hindi word for the marriage in ancient times where the princess would choose her husband from the most suitable kings) were now married off early at the age they barely understood anything.

Before periods, a fragile feather as she is, filled with deep fears and blank about the sexual world, far from the true reality of sex and life as well.

She began to get married anyway and was just told two things – “Compromise or Die”. The woman absorbed the thought like a sponge which absorbs anything its dipped in. Woman are always like a sponge; they are taught to absorb just about anything- clean water or dirty grease. It’ll just absorb like a robot who knows to just follow the order, who just knows what to do far from the reasoning on why it should do that.

But why are we taught all this? Why aren’t we taught to be stubborn, take a stand and not lessons of calm.

Anyway she is married as fast as it could happen just like a debt, the faster you get rid of it, the better. And when she’s married, she is assumed to be as shapeless, formless as a fluid. She marries a man and takes the shapes he asks her to take. Her fate’s notebook is overwritten by her husband because he married to control her anyway. She has to be what the husband and his parents want her to be. Why can’t she be what she always was, what her parents made her till the moment, just before she took those seven rounds. Why she has to change? After Wearing that red attire, she changes as a person, becomes whatever is asked out, but, why cannot she be accepted in the way she was, originally. However changes she makes in herself, she always remains a stranger in the house she considers her home, her family.

That’s the law of the society, a woman is married, has to change, is forgotten by her family and isn’t accepted in her husband’s family. She just becomes the door between any two places. She knows both the places exactly well but knows neither too well.

And the husbands who are working hard for money have alibis that they have stress, they are tired and they never pay attention to the phase their wives always have to go, even if the attention is given, they suggest them to ignore and choose not to say anything and do the same too, they think the ignorance is the right answer.

Then the husbands also have their own way of de-stressing themselves. Beatings, BDSM, forced sex, violence or anything like so. It should just satisfy their wants, needs and ego, period.

They never realise what a woman thinks, wants, or how she feels when they beat or hurt them. Or when they are too passionate, do they even thin k it for a moment if she’s ready to have sex now, they just dig in when they think they should, when their body demands.

The women who so brainwashed in love that it’s easy for them to believe that it’s their fault than accepting that wrong is happening to them. She just closes her eyes that are capable of seeing the reality and chooses to think of the good moments.

Good moments, are their pill to forget the drama, all the domestic violence, affairs that their husbands have privately or publicly. The man who was married to take her care hurt her in the worst ways possible but she just won’t question him because he told her that he loves her few days back or took those seven marriage-rounds or ‘saat-pheras’ few years back. They choose to believe their husband who says that they are unimaginably under stress that is blinding them to hurt her and she believes him after all these wrongs.

But there were some women, who were as normal as all but sassier than each one of us as well. These women just didn’t give a shit to the obstacles in her path. These women were stones, were so stubborn, denied to be soft sponges, were full of enthusiasm, anger and determinism, an attitude that they made sure nobody could even get close to shake off.

They were the woman who believed in leading by example than following her husband or her parents or her in-laws. These were the woman who decided to carve a niche in the wall of fame that madly flaunted portraits of male leaders of the world

Rani Lakshmi Bai, Mother Teresa, Indira Ghandi, Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, Florence Nightingale, George Sand, Marie Curie, or in the very past, Cleopatra, Hatshepsut, Joan of Arc. These are just the few names out of the list as deep as ocean.

Rani Lakshmi Bai, who bravely fought till her end to save her motherland. She could have lived by giving up but why would she> she chose to be the stronger version of herself. She chose wat everyone wishes deep inside.

There are plenty of names, plenty faces and also plenty those who are missed out in the list but are the true heroes too, just because they chose not to bow down and to listen to their callings by not giving up

Why can’t we all be someone who’s hidden in us, who’s battle-ready, the real battles of the world, any smallest of the problems in the whole world, someone’s who is holding a flag ready to wave it to celebrate the victory, even a small one.

Be the woman you were centuries back, a queen, who was proud to be a woman, who proudly and humbly ran the world. Not the ones the dominants made out of us, the suppressed, depressed.

Be the woman who can fight for right than who chooses to just see with eyes wide shut, listen with ears closed and speaks with a mouth closed.

Be the brazen woman like the ones who chose to be the stronger versions as to rebel against the dictators. Just imagine these brazen women weren’t born, what would be the status of woman today. Would we be getting treated like a pet, who’s called for love and shooed when the masters please?

The best part is there’s a brazen woman in each one of us, just recall and remind yourself of even a small instance where you stood upright, did something very right.

But the worst part is that brazen woman is sleeping, hibernating and waiting for that one moment when we strongly call her upon for even a minor change.

 

 

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Maybe some Fantasies are just better than the Reality !

parisI’m a sky-watcher, cloud-gazer. I gaze at the stars, the moon wondering how it’d be like to be there, live there.

I’m also the one who’d get very happy at the sight of an Eagle or an Aeroplane in the vast sky. I would wonder how they fly so flawlessly. I’d wonder who’d be there in the Aeroplane, what they’d be doing? All the irrelevant questions maybe.

Well, I’m also the one who knows that in the world of data and knowledge, finding anything is a matter of minutes. But I don’t want to know. I just want my imagination to wander off to think of what may be happening rather than to seek on what is happening.

Because, it’s intriguing until I don’t know it, it might lose its sense to me, begin to stop giving me the highs that it presents me now.

Maybe some Fantasies are just better than the Reality.

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Isn’t Love a Universe in its own?

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Do the galaxies, black holes really exist in space or are these imaginations of a hopeless lover? Maybe the universe is just a thought, the darkness and the shine a lie but a beautiful idea inspired from our living, our world is a universe in itself.

Everyone is like a planet; We all have our Moons but just one Sun. Our life, just like the planets, revolves around that one person who is our Sun, our reason of being. The Sun makes everything worth it.

The gravity of a Black hole is no way near the attraction of two lovers. Closing your eyes while them in your arm takes you to the darkest yet ‘Brightest’ galaxy. The galaxy that promises to keep one safe, far from any insecurity or vulnerability. The feeling of loving and being loved is so fulfilling, satisfying and calming.

The kind of attraction that can be seen in many juxtaposing forms. Sometimes, in the form of teenager’s first love- beautiful, rebellious, immature. The type that keeps them busy with each other all the time undistracted and unaffected by the world. Or Sometimes, an Adult’s Love- the Labyrinth love, that is fussy, clandestine, complicated yet a relaxing spa to the partners indeed. The love that enlivens the chaos-struck adults worried and burdened by their everyday lives.

Isn’t Love a Universe in its own?