Quote

My rendezvous with the Third Gender

TransA morning when I was struggling through some of issues in my life. I chose to put it aside for some while and chill out with my friends. Even when the time was pre-planned, I got out from home early so that I could spend some time with myself. I was commuting via Metro.

I wasn’t in my Best moods so, I did something weird. I dressed up as if it were the best day of my life. Unlike my regular day, I put on my Eyeliner, Mascara, Lipstick, wore a nice blue dress to look very jolly, and this somehow made me feel better.

It sometimes works, you know, when you are sad, you force yourself to smile ’til it eventually makes you feel better. ‘Fake until you make it’. Doesn’t this work, sometimes?

It was Ladies’ Compartment. After a few stations, I realized someone beside me was talking to someone sitting in front of me. I could see her uncomfortable expressions. So I paused the track I was listening to, to get the idea of what was happening. I felt the need to help if needed.

I found there was a Neuter sitting beside me, she was asking for the route. However, the girl didn’t know. Also, the girl was maybe a little scared too, that’s how I felt through her expressions. The neuter was complimenting  the girl in weird ways. She kept saying- “You look pretty, you better try into films, leave your studies, and When you’ll come into movies, I will be proud to see you and call myself a sister of a Movie Actor”.

shutterstock_168955373-605x400All this was quite funny because of the tone of her voice and manner in which she was speaking but also quite scary because we all have been taught by our parents, societies to be at a little distance from Hijras. The reasons that they give us are one too many ranging from- ‘They are not good people!’ or ‘They have a very different community than ours and the best bet is to stay far from them’. Obviously the kids of our age need reasoning and logic and when parents aren’t able to feed us logic, they frighten us by telling weird stories. They tell us that the Hijra Community abducts teenagers and injects them with hormones to turn them into a hijra as well. Or they would tell us how cruel, shameless they are. They would claim that the hijras would do anything for money and if not given, they insult people in the worst possible way.

All these little stories have created a bad reputation of this commune. These sharp words have subconsciously created an outlook amongst us all. The Hijras are not respected by any. It is only at the time of a birth of a baby that they are welcomed in houses to give blessings to the new born and gifted with lots of money and jewellery. The sole time when they’re welcomed.

Coming back to the incident, she, then started staring me, and saying the movie things to me too. To which I lightly replied- “I am not that good-looking to qualify as an actress and also even if I wish, my parents want me to study.”

She was exceedingly extrovert. She was indulging in small-talks with everyone in the compartment. The girls, ladies, she started to joke with everybody. She complimented everybody in the coach, speaking in a very funny manner and comical accent. She even persuaded a girl to call her husband to talk to him on phone. Can you believe that? She talked to her husband and said— “Why don’t you marry me?” She even jokingly said i love you to him. I found it extremely comical.  After talking to her husband she blessed them.

In India, the blessings of Hijras are considered very fortunate. She didn’t ask her for money, but the lady gave her a hundred which somehow made an obligation for others to pay her too. They all started giving her some money. I really couldn’t understand why, despite denying so much, she started to accept money then. This one thing kept me confused for days and I couldn’t make a heads or tails about it honestly. Anyway, the route thing I knew about.

I knew the route so I explained her. She, however, couldn’t understand so I thought to accompany till I could as I had ample time before the meet-up. I took her to the next platform, from where we had to board the train.

We were exchanging thoughts all this time, I asked her about her life, she told me stories from her childhood, how her mother didn’t want to give her up despite her being the other gender. She said, with sadness within her, “There’s nobody like a Mother. A Mother never wants to lose her child despite all the flaws that the child may have. She’ll accept them even after knowing the hardships that they’ll have to face. She said it’s the society that creates more problem than family does.” I was completely in her agreement. There was a lot of noteworthy dissatisfaction in her eyes. She encouraged me to study and told me to never let anyone, anyone demoralize and dominate me. Yes, these were her words, after not being able to study, because of the differences. She was still encouraging me to study.

She talked to me about other things, told me about the Dharma-Maa that she had. The Dharma-Maa is someone who nurtures one despite not being one’s biological mother. Hers was the head of the ‘Hijra Community’ of their region. She told me how she used to let her study when it wasn’t allowed by their community to touch books. Every day she would study in a park and then bury the books under the bulky tree. This hustle was continued for a couple of years. But she was sad as she couldn’t continue her education after 8th standard. She wanted to, but after that, even her Maa couldn’t support her Education. Can you feel this? Can you imagine how depressing it must be for this community to quit education? To be treated like lepers, outcasts?

She told me she misses her family and her home in which she was born. She said she’s very unlucky to have been born like that else she could spend her life with her family with right and dignity. She told me that not a day passes without her yearning for a family. She misses them endlessly. I could just feel her, I tried to console her a bit. I really hope that nobody suffers from this pain yet want that everybody feels this pain, only then, maybe we can all be empathetic with them who are less-fortunate.

She kept on telling me how she envies us all because we have a family to live with. People have a spouse and children. She was sad that she can never get all this. We get to hang-out with our friends and family. We get to go out anywhere with complete liberty without being eyed but if Hijras are roaming around, they are eyed and judged.

What next? We talked some more about Love. She complimented me and said – “You’re very pretty, you must have an ardent lover.” I said no promptly. Because of the conflicts in my love life, I wanted to evade this subject of LOVE. I did have a boyfriend but we had been going through some tough times and we were not able to get along lately so I decided to continue only as friends. Obviously I didn’t explain my complicated love to her. I simply said— “I do have someone who loves me but I don’t love him”. It must be mere coincidence that she cut me and said— “No, you’re lying, you love him”. I was amazed because the truth I was hiding, she understood or maybe it was a mere chance she said so. I told her about how self-sufficient I was and I needed nobody to be with me. She was almost in tears when I said that.

She expressed her desire of true love in her life,  her wants to be with someone who would accept her in the way Lord has created her and love her. She needed someone to listen to her problems, to talk about absolutely nothing, to care for her choices, someone who would be there for her, someone who would love to kiss her, someone who would fight for her, who would respect her, someone she would love to care about. I was nodding with her words & said—“Just the feeling that someone is there for you is the best feeling in the world.” We both could relate. Listening to this, we both had our eyes wet. She simply asked me to love him back if the relationship is worth it as Love is a very beautiful feeling. I nodded.

She was so distressed. Her only wish was to be amongst us, the normals, only if she were born as a man or a woman. She wished that could happen. “I’m not happy with this life of begging. Where we are not involved in any societal meets, not respected. I wish I could also study like a normal person to change the way how our community is treated,” she said. I encouraged her that she can still do it.

I was thinking of ways to console her but knowing the hardships that she has to face every day, the struggle, it was difficult for me to find words. I still tried by saying— “Don’t worry, whatever happens, happens for good, you just believe in God.” She was a bit relaxed now. The magic wasn’t in me or my words, I didn’t do much to calm her; the true magic was in just my calm listening. I’m glad that I just could listen to her and if not solve her problems, just lessen her mental burden.

Finally, her destination arrived, I dropped her, and we said our byes. She went, but her thoughts lingered on. I was constantly thinking about her and the struggles. I was wondering how the world can embrace them. What things should change, “Total Utopianism”, attainable or not. I prayed for her and the community.

I also started to think about reconciling with my beloved. I was thinking on how I should make up for the things gone wrong in our relationship, how I should fill the gaps. Well, I started my efforts, it took me a while. It was hard at first, but things turned smooth as this was what we both wanted. We settled all the differences one by one and eventually our relationship turned stronger than ever. May be the problems were important to strengthen our relationship. And the realization of its importance was equally necessary.

And about her, I’m worried. Because of her being too talkative and extrovert, I felt traces of depression in her. I would be happier if my observation turns out wrong. I hope she’s well. We all should do our bit to make them feel home whenever we see them. Just a mild smile would do, I really request people to not look this community with an evil eye. They’re just as humans as we are. They’re God’s creation as we are, only a bit different.

P.S. Next time you see one of them, Do them a Favor— JUST SMILE  (^_^)

Quote

Woe-MEN

WOE-MEN1

Women should rather get start being called WOE-MEN.

Since they’re no less than a suffering to men  around. Why it is so, what heinous crimes have they committed, how did they do this? These are some of the million dollar questions which probably won’t be getting answered till the ends of the Universe.

Just Wondering, How do WOE-MEN hurt Men? Maybe it is their Breath that makes the air poisonous for other dogmatic Males to breathe. Or is it the cacophony they make all the time while the Men are making spaceships  which makes them go erratic. Or is it the sluggishness, their indolence which makes the aura ill. Or the weirdness, making it really hard to be around such extraterrestrials. Not only that, Woe-Men are all the time trying their ways to woo Men, who by the way are ‘realistic and unromantic’.

WOE-MEN

The insecurities of women for their bodies, hair, dresses are all ways of pretending. Even the hormones—Estrogen and Progesterone that happen to bother women and cause mood swings are all a sham.

The looks so charming, the touch so healing, the heart so warm is all a lie, that maddens the men to the core.

No wonder WOE-MEN will be a pain in the neck as long as they take ‘Women Empowerment’, ‘Gender Inequality’ for granted. These words have richer meaning to what is usually interpreted. They’ve a deeper connotation which had never been given the right weight it deserved.

All the women need to come in the front and need to walk towards the brighter side of the tunnel. The dark tunnel can’t be crossed by one or two, but all. When they accept nothing but the true Social, Legal, Educational, Political, and most of all ‘INDIVIDUAL EMPOWERMENT’. When they’ll understand how valuable, privileged they are to be born in this gender. When they respect and equally get it back, when their opinions and decisions are welcomed, admired and considered without any prejudice.

That’ll be in a true sense- “Women Empowerment.” Period.

Quote

Gradually, I’ll surrender in Love

The best companionship’s are the ones where there’s no man or a woman who love each other but two partners who love each other beyond the bounds of a gender, beyond the stereotypical thoughts classifying their works and chores.

I‘ll Rebel each time…and then Surrender at once

Love is great but for a woman, it’s tough. A woman has to change herself to take love to next level and she accepts to change. But I won’t allow you to change me.

I’ll not behave as you would want me.

I’ll not see the same things as you would or might want me to see.

I’ll not be a good friend at first.

I’ll not be taking it forward, giving you signals that I’m into you even if I might be

I’ll not be the even amiable, let alone being flirtatious.

I’ll not go on dates when you’d choose, I’ll decide.

I’ll not let you decide my clothes or let you comment on the way I dress.

Nor I would let you decide the time to go to date or even plan one.

I’ll fight with you or get angry at you at your slightest mistakes.

I’ll not allow you to get close to my self-respect.

I’ll not rebellious at first to know you better, judge you well to find the person in you, the real you.

And when I do find a lovely human in you

I’ll surrender to you, for life, at once.

Quote

What’s her Identity?

I don’t believe in truth anymore; I believe everything is relative.  Nothing is absolute and perfect as the ‘change’ itself.

My next words are not an article, essay or a letter but a set of questions. I spend my day enjoying the moments but my nights are mostly spent sleepless. I’m nothing but an entangled human.

I’m confused between myself and my nature, my behavior and my identity. Yes, they’re all very different but they’ve put me in an abysmal confusion.

I’m at a point where I can decide what to eat, cook, buy, where to go, whom to befriend, what to say, all the things a normal person does. But the thing I can’t make heads or tails about is my own-self.

I’m someone’s Daughter—
Obedient, stubborn, innocent, lovable

I’m someone’s Sister—
Younger, naive, responsible

I’m someone’s Wife—
Compassionate, selfless, devoted

I’m someone’s Mother—
Affectionate, forgiving, teacher

I’m someone’s Friend—
Understanding, humorous, trustworthy

I’m someone’s relative, someone’s employee, someone’s colleague—
Agreeable, professional, cordial.

But all these are just the roles that I play each day. I behave well with all, kith and kin, acquaintances and even strangers. That’s my nature and my behavior. But sometimes I want to shout out loud, make my points, express my desires but the etiquette gets in the way of my nature all the time. My nature is to flow; the etiquette is the hindrance.

And then after the role-playing each day, I’m the one who’s perplexed each night. “What’s my true identity”—This question never leaves my mind.

But What’s my true identity? Is it when I’m happy or when I’m sad, is it when I’m angry or when I’m mad, is it when I’m in love with my family or agitated by them, running for some solo time just to be calm. Is it when I’m with my husband making love to him, or with my children, is it when I’m spending time with my mother, fighting with my siblings, or chatting with my colleagues? Is it what I show or what I hide? Is it a Book no one cares to read but all love to display?

Who am I? Is it my identity or my nature or just a name of a relationship I am tied in?

Is my Identity connected with my body or a bare truth of my soul?

Quote

Choices a women gets!

pexels-photo-210585You were right when you said Women has all the liberty today.  She is given every opportunity, as good as a man, given importance as much as a man would get for the similar task. You were right when you said that Women can now decide for herself, her life. She is given Choices now.

Examining the choices, I found there were a lot of options given to her: “I agree; You’re right; My Husband shall take my decision; My Family knows my Answer; I can’t answer; I am not able to answer;” were some of the common options available to her.

Career, Clothes, Spouse, Kids; She’s asked not to worry when the matter is about taking decisions. She can do all the chores capably but at the matters of mind, she’s still weak as per the norms. Somehow, even today, it’s the man who thinks he’s the capable gender.

When would the day come when each woman can decide without weighing her responsibilities at one hand, consequences of her decisions at the other. When she is not eyed when she makes a quirky choice for herself. When it’s very natural and common that she takes her own decision and not judged upon the details.

Men, I think are going to play a vital role in this movement. It’s just a matter of a changed perspective. What if we do not see men as perpetrators but barristers of today’s women?

Quote

My Inspiration to write!

My inspiration to write was that women in metro coach, who was pondering too much. And, that guy who smiled at me in the hallway. Also, the boyfriend who kissed not just my lips but my soul. The girl who wanted to find her goals. The transgender who was already a wanderer searching through her bits and pieces trying to find her hint of success. The old lady determined to create a company. Also, the Men, the proud misogynists, who pushed me to write for my gender. Especially, The Men who made me an un-Feministic Girl i.e. not just in favour of my gender but strongly against the biased women-haters. The Stereotypes that expected women to keep her eyes at the ground in front of her husband. The stranger who saw through my eyes. The stranger who asked my reason of existence in my commute to work one day.

My inspiration was in the love that defined happiness for me and in the love that wreck me. It was in the solitude when I was alone, locked up with books. It was in that book which inspired me to stand up for right and never settle. It was in the disappointments and the satisfactions. It was in the 10 kilometres trek to that beautiful hill that made me want to believe in god all over again. It was in the clarity of thoughts and in the conundrum alike.

It was in my want to love and be loved alike. It was in the birthday gift that I never got. It was in the friend that left me for no reason without caring to tell me. It was in the stubborn lover who could not accept the fact that I was leaving. It was in the crowd which made me wonder we all have a vivacious life.

Although, I’m stopping here but my list of inspiration does not end here. It has more subtleties than I can ever possibly talk of. These inspirations have forced me to write something so meaningful that impacts someone else’s life in a beautiful way. Something that fires their courage again to hit the wrong in its face, to take their life’s steering-wheel in their own hands. I want to write something powerful that urges someone to speak for them.