I don’t believe in truth anymore; I believe everything is relative. Nothing is absolute and perfect as the ‘change’ itself.
My next words are not an article, essay or a letter but a set of questions. I spend my day enjoying the moments but my nights are mostly spent sleepless. I’m nothing but an entangled human.
I’m confused between myself and my nature, my behavior and my identity. Yes, they’re all very different and they’ve put me in an abysmal confusion.
I’m at a point where I can decide what to eat, cook, buy, where to go, whom to befriend, what to say, all the things a normal person does. But the thing I can’t make heads or tails about is my own-self.
I’m someone’s Daughter—
Obedient, stubborn, innocent, lovable
I’m someone’s Sister—
Younger, naive, responsible
I’m someone’s Wife—
Compassionate, selfless, devoted
I’m someone’s Mother—
Affectionate, forgiving, teacher
I’m someone’s Friend—
Understanding, humorous, trustworthy
I’m someone’s relative, someone’s employee, someone’s colleague—
Agreeable, professional, cordial.
But all these are just the roles that I play each day. I behave well with all, kith and kin, acquaintances and even strangers. That’s my nature and my behavior. But sometimes I want to shout out loud, make my points, express my desires but the etiquettes get in the way of my nature all the time. My nature is to flow; the etiquettes are the hindrance.
And then after the role-playing each day, I’m the one who’s perplexed each night. “What’s my true identity”—This question never leaves my mind.
But What’s my true identity? Is it when I’m happy or when I’m sad, is it when I’m angry or when I’m mad, is it when I’m in love with my family or agitated by them, running for some solo time just to be calm. Is it when I’m with my husband making love to him, or with my children, is it when I’m spending time with my mother, fighting with my siblings, or chatting with my colleagues? Is it what I show or what I hide? Is it a Book no one cares to read but all love to display?
Who am I? Is it my identity or my nature or just a name of a relationship I am tied in?
Is my Identity connected with my body or a bare truth of my soul?