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Gradually, I’ll surrender in Love

The best companionship’s are the ones where there’s no man or a woman who love each other but two partners who love each other beyond the bounds of a gender, beyond the stereotypical thoughts classifying their works and chores.

I‘ll Rebel each time…and then Surrender at once

Love is great but for a woman, it’s tough. A woman has to change herself to take love to next level and she accepts to change. But I won’t allow you to change me.

I’ll not behave as you would want me.

I’ll not see the same things as you would or might want me to see.

I’ll not be a good friend at first.

I’ll not be taking it forward, giving you signals that I’m into you even if I might be

I’ll not be the even amiable, let alone being flirtatious.

I’ll not go on dates when you’d choose, I’ll decide.

I’ll not let you decide my clothes or let you comment on the way I dress.

Nor I would let you decide the time to go to date or even plan one.

I’ll fight with you or get angry at you at your slightest mistakes.

I’ll not allow you to get close to my self-respect.

I’ll not rebellious at first to know you better, judge you well to find the person in you, the real you.

And when I do find a lovely human in you

I’ll surrender to you, for life, at once.

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Feelings post College

4It’s nothing new what I’m feeling for myself and my friends.
College is ending and we’re just marking these days, can’t cross them on the calendar, because they have been the best days of our lives. We’re all on the verge of making our careers, shaping our lives, yet full of confusion and dilemmas.

I’m determined and worried at the same time, for me and my friends. At one end, there’s certainty that says- we’ll all do well and at the other, a commotion. The commotion to know how the stability should come. It’s all gibberish I know, but that’s exactly how I feel and that’s the peak of clarity my thoughts currently have.

3

Jobs, Business, Success, Failure, Entrepreneurship, what had been just simple English terms just a while ago when we were laughing in our classes, are going to be a reality, our reality just in a month.

I panic at the fact that we aren’t going to meet every day. We’ll have to plan a week or a month before, just to see each other for a day.

We all would just gossip about anything, literally anything, baseless conversations on phones for hours. Now in a blink, it’s ending.

I wished to stop the time, in the moment of happiness when I just woke you from an amazing dream when we are meeting in the way and heading for the college together. While waiting for one of us, we all are chilling, creating new happy moments together.

But it was too late to try, because the following moment I was awake, frightened and surprised. What I was so vividly enjoying in the last moment was just a beautiful dream and I was horrified too because in the dream, we all called it the last day. I rebelled in my dream too. But the fact remains a fact, an unchallenged and an unchangeable one, indeed.

Each day is creating a new anxiety in me, there are fears unknown, feelings unexpressed. I don’t know what I should say or do—I just can pray for a great career simply for all of us.

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If We were not taught anything, Wouldn’t We just Love?

a (1)

Have you seen a baby, he just knows to love his parents, play with them! Have you seen him hurting anybody consciously? Many of you might say he cries and hurts people’s ears but that’s the only way he can use to notify his parents if he’s hungry or needs some caressing.

As he grows older, he learns anything and everything from his surroundings, his parents. How to behave, talk, speak, walk, eat and love. Yes, Love too. People are made this way, they learn by observing and act the same way.

a (2)

We just learn anything which we see. Most of us are too naïve to actually check and filter things out before learning them. We are too amateur to know what’s right or what’s wrong. Before we learn that, we often fall for the wrong as it’s common and easy.

The kids learn the way their parents walk or talk, how they earn money, how they behave with people outside their family and circle. Our parents are the first examples we have, the first perspective of life that we get.

And then the kids are put in school to emboss the fixed ideas under the skin, the ideas that make the world just a limitation. The Discipline that just is beyond bounds and sometimes leave no open space to breathe. ‘School’ teaches the same ancient stories of prince or princesses or a poor history which is filled with the most important battles. Battles, why should a child know about them?

When the baby’s brain is the most fertile, why is he not taught of the inspiring stories which make him want to be like the heroes who made the world a better place.

Why is he not given a room full of billions of books, paints, music, mic, laptop; Why is he not given a choice to be anything in the damn world? Why is he not given a chance to be just anything? Why is he not given a chance to showcase what he knows from his life? Why is he made to think that there’s a lot more in this world to learn and living here is tough, when he can just be taught to live the life with morality and humility? Why is he not given an opportunity to make mistakes?

Why are we taught so many things when they can come naturally to us? Did we learn to love our parents from anywhere, or to laugh, to breathe, to cry, when it came naturally to us, why are we taught in masses so many same odd ideas that are just not relevant today. The same syllabus fed to each human as if they’re all same makes them an average. For those, whose intellect is not meant for this but for art or anything that the syllabus doesn’t include, he’s made to feel as if he’s abnormal.

Identically for love, a baby who can love his parents naturally, can’t he love his partner naturally too? But as the baby grows, he sees the bad side of the coin of love, he learns about adultery, cheating, selfishness in love and gets perplexed and messed up of the true idea. So what was originally in his heart gets foggy as he grows up.

The truth is within us already but to get to it, we follow a cycle, we have made it a tough job. First, God sends the truth within us, then we have to forget that, then we are taught life-lessons from people around or school and then spending half our life we realize it’s not right so we unlearn it all, and finally, we learn the truth. The thing is- its very simple.

So, why do we make it tough, why do we get taught various things just to find out they’re not right.

Why can’t we just live our life the way we wish, rather than following a template made by others.

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My Modesty is my Pride!

My modesty is my Pride. I am not a modest I choose to be one. I choose to be proud at me in silence than exaggerating or publicizing myself in front of everybody.

My silence is my dignity, my pride. Because I’d be judged if I speak, I’d be judged if I don’t.

So I’d let my silence be the reason of your judgment and your judgments be the reason of my silence and an insight of you to me.

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We don’t cry for we’ve problems but…

We dont Cry becausePeople don’t cry because they have problems, or when they are not able to find the solutions but when they don’t have just an ear that lacks any filter of bias, pre-judgments, past-experiences.

We’re so vulnerable today that we just can’t express our feelings clearly to ourselves, let alone others. We are always confused, baffled below the earth’s clear sky.

We’re so lonely today that we just prefer to spend two hours in front of a screen today that opens the windows to the world but first, slyly, shuts the doors of our life—shuts for even our closest relationships in life than going out of this virtual life’s door to explore the reality.

We dont Cry because 2The screen that delivers the news and knowledge of the world in a few seconds fails to understand the feelings. So, the vulnerable soul that seeks knowledge unknowingly abandons the heart. In seek of knowledge, humans banish their confidants, their soul-buddies, their better-halves.

And when problems hit us, where do we go to seek a kind advice, the apt solution? Can a screen transform the generic advice to the one that’s perfectly apt for us, pertaining to our personal, emotional or maybe economic circumstances?

The screen that arouses the curiosity fails to find and give the peace the ’24×7′ working human-mind deserves. It takes it the outer world but fails to let the human learn of the inner universe it possesses. It plays the sounds of the world, but distant the body from the music and rhythm of the soul.

What we had in the past is what we need today more than ever! The social company, the gatherings, of the family and friends, eating dinner on a phone-proof table where we are just conscious of the ‘now’, ‘each-other’, not worried about anything or even if worried, we would have our kith and kin to share them with.

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What’s her Identity?

I don’t believe in truth anymore; I believe everything is relative.  Nothing is absolute and perfect as the ‘change’ itself.

My next words are not an article, essay or a letter but a set of questions. I spend my day enjoying the moments but my nights are mostly spent sleepless. I’m nothing but an entangled human.

I’m confused between myself and my nature, my behavior and my identity. Yes, they’re all very different but they’ve put me in an abysmal confusion.

I’m at a point where I can decide what to eat, cook, buy, where to go, whom to befriend, what to say, all the things a normal person does. But the thing I can’t make heads or tails about is my own-self.

I’m someone’s Daughter—
Obedient, stubborn, innocent, lovable

I’m someone’s Sister—
Younger, naive, responsible

I’m someone’s Wife—
Compassionate, selfless, devoted

I’m someone’s Mother—
Affectionate, forgiving, teacher

I’m someone’s Friend—
Understanding, humorous, trustworthy

I’m someone’s relative, someone’s employee, someone’s colleague—
Agreeable, professional, cordial.

But all these are just the roles that I play each day. I behave well with all, kith and kin, acquaintances and even strangers. That’s my nature and my behavior. But sometimes I want to shout out loud, make my points, express my desires but the etiquette gets in the way of my nature all the time. My nature is to flow; the etiquette is the hindrance.

And then after the role-playing each day, I’m the one who’s perplexed each night. “What’s my true identity”—This question never leaves my mind.

But What’s my true identity? Is it when I’m happy or when I’m sad, is it when I’m angry or when I’m mad, is it when I’m in love with my family or agitated by them, running for some solo time just to be calm. Is it when I’m with my husband making love to him, or with my children, is it when I’m spending time with my mother, fighting with my siblings, or chatting with my colleagues? Is it what I show or what I hide? Is it a Book no one cares to read but all love to display?

Who am I? Is it my identity or my nature or just a name of a relationship I am tied in?

Is my Identity connected with my body or a bare truth of my soul?

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Choices a women gets!

pexels-photo-210585You were right when you said Women has all the liberty today.  She is given every opportunity, as good as a man, given importance as much as a man would get for the similar task. You were right when you said that Women can now decide for herself, her life. She is given Choices now.

Examining the choices, I found there were a lot of options given to her: “I agree; You’re right; My Husband shall take my decision; My Family knows my Answer; I can’t answer; I am not able to answer;” were some of the common options available to her.

Career, Clothes, Spouse, Kids; She’s asked not to worry when the matter is about taking decisions. She can do all the chores capably but at the matters of mind, she’s still weak as per the norms. Somehow, even today, it’s the man who thinks he’s the capable gender.

When would the day come when each woman can decide without weighing her responsibilities at one hand, consequences of her decisions at the other. When she is not eyed when she makes a quirky choice for herself. When it’s very natural and common that she takes her own decision and not judged upon the details.

Men, I think are going to play a vital role in this movement. It’s just a matter of a changed perspective. What if we do not see men as perpetrators but barristers of today’s women?

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Some Fantasies are better than Reality!

parisI’m a sky-watcher, a  cloud-gazer. I gaze at the stars, the moon wondering how it’d be like to be there, live there.

I’m also the one who’d get very happy at the sight of an Eagle or an airplane in the vast sky. I would wonder how they fly so flawlessly. I’d wonder who’d be there in the Airplane, what they’d be doing? All the irrelevant questions maybe.

Well, I’m also the one who knows that in the world of data and knowledge, finding anything is a matter of minutes or rather seconds. But some things, I don’t want to know. I just want my imagination to wander off to think of what may be than to know what is.

Because, it’s intriguing until I don’t know it, I’m afraid it might lose its sense, its meaning to me, begin to stop giving me the highs that it produces in me now.

I think, Some Fantasies are just better than the Reality.